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Re: The Sewing-Room Lament (over 16)
Incredibly...thank you.
Feb 14, 2006 -
Re: The Sewing-Room Lament (over 16)
Thank you both for the tip, I changed it accordingly. But Jigsaw, if you're really that reluctant, you are not required to critique it.
Feb 13, 2006 -
Re: The Sewing-Room Lament (over 16)
The moonlight was all but playing the wind like a flute. It was a beautiful tune. That evening breeze was sweeping through the garden like a great ship with its ...
Feb 9, 2006 -
Re: Writing Challenge of week 1/23: Evidence
“We’re coming upon something here,” the man said, wiping the hard-earned sweat from his brow with the back of his dirty hand. It smeared a mess of white dust all ...
Jan 26, 2006 -
Re: Soon the Departure to Avalon
This poem was wonderful. You used the element of drama without error and without end. They way you carried it throughout the poem was done very well. Also, the grackling ...
Dec 28, 2005 -
Re: Endings (for Snoink!)
So I think you captured the angsty and overdramatic thing. It's not unbearingly overdramatic, so that's good. The one thing that acts against you (and it acts against you in ...
Dec 28, 2005 -
Re: Social Omnipotence
I liked the idea of emotion as an enemy in this, the conscience of the character causing the problems. It took a couple of times of reader to get all ...
Dec 17, 2005 -
Re: animus
Hm.... Well, I wasn't incredibly fond of this as a poem. It was a good question to ponder, to expand the horizon of thoughts. However, though it makes us think, ...
Dec 17, 2005 -
Re: Snowlgobe
There was built a city, A miniature place Where snow always fell; All within a glass orb. From outside a window, A boy desired that city, And when the keeper ...
Dec 17, 2005 -
Re: War Drums
This was amazing. I enjoyed this very much, and here's the reasons that I can actually give. The fragmented flow was perfect. The images and language use were powerful. You ...
Dec 16, 2005 -
Re: This word reminds me of...
Santa....
Dec 16, 2005 -
Re: For Acasia
I wrote this for a friend. Acasia Sink the mountains, sweep the sky Dragons of the trumpet fly They descend with violet throne And all around their flames are shone ...
Dec 15, 2005 -
Re: A family is a church
The repetition of line structure in some parts, and even the limit thereof, was lovely. You used that very well. You provided great imagery and contrasting of themes, between what ...
Dec 15, 2005 -
Re: Murder is Blue
I really enjoyed this. It seemed like you had a fragmented flow, but I realized that it wasn't fragmented, but meant to be followed. You guided the reader through, not ...
Dec 15, 2005 -
Re: Bitterness
The frogs represent the character's bitterness. She's only an outcast from society, and the people look down on this. Her window's broken because people are throwing rocks through it, and ...
Dec 15, 2005
